SEVENTH MOON (a review)

SEVENTH MOON (a review)

A horror movie starring Amy Smart? Sign me up. Unfortunately this is one of those at night movies where no one bothered to turn on a f****ing light while they were filming it. Between that and the shaky cam/always in close up this was basically a friggin' radio play!

The story: a couple about to get married go to China to meet the guys parents, but instead get lost in this rural area where people put animal outside their doors because there are these weird creatures that will kill you if you don't give them an animal. Of course they don't have an animal, so they run around trying to escape and then get caught and, uh, stuff.

Was it good?

You mean was the sound good, because for 80% of it you couldn't see a f***ing thing!!!! Jeez, how hard is it to figure out -- IT'S A MOVIE, WHEN FILMING TURN ON A LIGHT!!! I get that it's at night and rural and the woods, but there's no point it FILMING it if the audience can't SEE anything. And it's not like BLAIR WITCH where they could make the fake-documentary excuse. This was just horrible. Now, keeping it dark so we don't get a good look at the creatures...well, that makes sense. Creatures in the dark might be scarier. But so dark that we can't see the protagonists???? And to always film in close up and keep the camera skaing so much that you spend 90% of the time not being able to see a f***Ing thing?!?!?!? I mean, you hired Amy Smart for a reason -- was it because she sounds good during voice overs, because for 90% of the time you couldn't see enough to figure out what the F was happening!

Here's a radical idea for horror directors: when you make a film and are getting a shot, understand what the audience needs to see to make the shot work and then tun on enough lights that we can see the Fing thing!!!

It's a shame because the film might have been good. Any Smart. Weird Chinese myth. That can have potential. But this was just an epic, epic FAIL. And let's be clear -- all the blame should go to the director. Anyone so stupid that they don't know that to get an image on film you have to turn on a light should be making a movie. Dear director: YOU FAILED.

***AVOID ****