Review: RUSHLIGHTS (2013) *** PASS ***

RUSHLIGHTS (2013) *** PASS ***

RUSHLIGHTS is a thriller directed by Antoni Stutz from a script by Antoni Stutz and Ashley Scott Meyers.  It stars: Beau Bridges, Haley Webb, Josh Henderson & Aidan Quinn.

The story: 
Two delinquent lovers from Los Angeles, find a dead body that looks exactly like the girl and decide to travel to a small town to try to claim the inheritance, only to find there are problems with the inheritance and a drug dealer from LA has followed them looking for money.

Was it good?

It was okay, which for a mystery/thriller isn't good.  The set-up with the inheritance is okay, but something I've seen before (or at least read before).  The sheriff nosing around, the problems with the inheritance...all of those were okay but they never felt like they meant anything.  The couple didn't seem desperate for money until the drug dealer comes looking for his money and he just wasn't that menacing.  In fact, he seemed more interested in sex than money, which probably would have been a more interesting story -- a girl trying to get away from an abusive drug dealing boyfriend, only to have him follow her and ruin the new life she is trying to build (one that's built on a lie and in danger of falling apart).  Here, there were lots of mysteries and little thrills.  Well acted, especially from Beau Bridges, but a story that was all surface and and no thrills.  It wasn't bad but blah, which honestly in a thriller can be worse than bad.  I wouldn't say it's a horrible waste of time, but there are just too many better things out there to watch.
*** PASS ***
Watch instead: movies I'd go with classics like Body Double, Body Heat, and Dressed to Kill.  Modern I'd go with tv shows like Person of Interest, True Detective, The Bridge and Fargo.

THE RETURNED (2013) *** WATCH ***

THE RETURNED (2013)

Less a horror movie than a drama/thriller that uses the idea of zombies to nice effect.  Written by Hatem Khraiche.  Directed by Manuel Carballo.  Starring Kris Holden-Ried, Emily Hampshire, Claudia Bassols, Shawn Doyle, and Melina Matthews.

The story: in a world where a zombie outbreak has happened, humans have developed a drug that if given to an infected person soon enough will keep the zombie virus dormant.  However, the supplies are running low and people are beginning to panic.  This is the story of a doctor (Hampshire) whose husband (Holden-Reid) has become infected and is trying to keep the virus dormant long enough for a synthetic solution to be developed.

Was it good?

Yeah.  It wasn't great, but it was solid with a lot of stuff worth watching.  The concept is a great twist on the classic zombie concept that focuses more on the characters than on gore.  The acting is all very good, the directing solid and they do a lot with the concept, having a black market and the shortages and groups of people who are violently anti-zombie.  It's definitely worth watching especially if you are looking for something a bit different than other zombie movies.

So why only a rental?  Well, partially because there is some clumsy plotting toward the end and honestly, while the movie isn't really about zombies the concept is about zombies and there definitely should have been more with them.  This movie took the easy way out in many ways dealing with the zombie infection and could have been much, much more interesting.  The main reason, however, is the story's lack of depth.  While it is more character oriented, there isn't a lot of emotion and while there are some interesting plot-elements with the lack of the antidote, none of them really investigate the characters.  Compare that to, say, CLOVERFIELD, where there is a story about a man trying to save his relationship with the girl he loves and then the monster arrives and now he has to save her from a bigger, external threat.  Or SCREAM which has a teen girl unsure she trusts her boyfriend enough to have sex and then he is accused of being a serial killer and she has to decide to trust him or not.  See these stories set up a parallel that allows them to use the external concept to explore an internal concept.  That's how they are able to get emotion out of their stories.  Here, there just isn't anything.  So while the story is interesting, it also starts to feel a bit flat.

Still, for the strong concept, good acting and clever plotting, I think it's worth a RENTAL.

NO ONE LIVES (2012) *** AVOID ***

NO ONE LIVES (2012)

A twist on a classic horror film staple -- the bad guys terrorizing an innocent couple off the in boondocks.  Lots of style, lots of gore and a bit of nudity.  Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura and written by David Cohen.  Stars Luke Evans, Laura Ramsey, Adelaide Clemens, Derek Magyar, America Olivo, Lindsey Shaw, Lee Tergesen, and Brodus Clay.

The story: a group of bad guys kidnap a traveling couple only to find the man is a psychopath who will now terrorize them and kill them all.

Was it good?

No.  No, really, no.  And it's frustrating because there are a lot of good things about the movie.  I like the cast who are much more solid than horror movies usually get.  The directing has lots of style.  And it isn't one of those pg-13 wuss outs -- this is a hard R with lots of violence, gore and some nudity.  The problem is the story just doesn't make any sense, nothing connects, and it becomes as empty as any Z-grade horror schlock made in some guy's backyard.

After some early character stuff, which is fine, we get to the action.  The couple (Evans andRamsey) is hijacked by one of the bad guys.  He plans on torturing them to get their pin number sand bank account, etc.  Instead the girl kills herself on his knife and the guy now sets out to kill them all.  So why did the girl kill herself?  I have no idea.  Clearly the boyfriend is enough of a bad ass he could have taken otu the other guy and probably saved her.  So why do it?  It's these weird lapses that seem to be thrown in just because they are cool but really make no sense at all that make this an AVOID movie.  Which is a shame because it easily could have been a cool little film.

So what other bizarre nonsense is in the film?  The part where the man about to get revenge goes for a skinny dip and starts walking around naked.  (Not a problem since he has clothes a moment later.)  There's the girl who was a hostage who seems to both like and hate the man who took her hostage for some reason, even though it's not explained why he took her hostage or why his girlfriend would be okay with it.  Honestly, I could go on and on, but this is a movie based on what would be cool not what could ever possibly make sense.  So why does the guy have a hostage in his car?  Because it's cool.  Why does the girl take a shower?  Because it's cool. 

And it's a shame a little more thought wasn't put into making this pile of cool-wanna-be actually form a story that makes any sort of sense, because like I said there's a lot of good and this could have been a cool little film.  Instead:

*** AVOID ***

BIG ASS SPIDER (2013) *** WATCH ***

BIG ASS SPIDER (2013) 

A fun sci-fi horror movie, a throw back to those classic giant animal movies of the 60's.  directed by Mike Mendez.  Written by Gregory Gieras.  Stars: Greg Grunberg, Lin Shaye, Patrick Bauchau, Ray Wise, Clare Kramer, Lombardo Boyar.

The story: A man fights a giant spider.

Was it good?

YES.  Don't get me wrong, this isn't going to win Oscars and won't defeat KING KONG or ALIEN, but for a goofy throw-back sci-fi movie it was the one thing you want most -- FUN.  With a solid screenplay that does what you'd expect and has fun with it, and game performances from some solid actors this movie manages to stay entertaining throughout.  This would be a fun movie to show my niece and nephews if not for some unneeded language.  It's a shame, because as a movie for adults it isn't edgy enough, but as more of a family film it would be great.

Still, for fans of those early 60's sci-fi movies and movies like ARACHNOPHOBIA and EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS, this one is a good one to check out.

*** WATCH ***

Also to watch: TREMORS, DESTROY ALL MONSTERS, ANACONDA, PACIFIC RIM.

HOMEFRONT (2013)

A action/thriller where the South is full of hillbillies and meth addicts/dealers.  Nice.  Directed by Gary Fleder.  Screenplay by  Sylvester Stallone, based on a book by Chuck Logan.  Movies stars: Jason Statham, James Franco, Winona Ryder, Kate Bosworth, Rachelle Lefevre, Frank Grillo, Clancy Brown, and Izabela Vidovic.

The story: an undercover DEA man moves to his wife's Southern, rural hometown with his daughter after his wife's death.  There he gets on the wrong side of a local meth dealer who sets out to get rid of him and his daughter.

Was it good?

Almost.  And what I mean by almost is there's a lot of good stuff here and it's worth watching, but it also gives hints of how good it really could have been, so while you are watching it the movie manages to be entertaining and disappointing at the same time.

The problem is the way pieces connect and grow.  For instance, I'm not real sure why Statham moves from the city to his wife's hometown.  His wife is dead, she doesn't seem to have any relatives there -- so why move there?  It's almost random.  Then once there, the build to his confrontation with Franco is all odd.  It starts with a confrontation between his daughter and a boy at school that somehow keeps building until it gets to Franco who happens to be a meth dealer.  Of course, his being a meth dealer doesn't really add to the direct conflict (even after Statham finds out he is a meth dealer he isn't trying to get him busted really).  Then Franco pulls in the drug dealers from the beginning of the film, but the father is in jail so it really is just random people that come down to kill Statham and his daughter.  There also is a side note between Statham and a school staffer his daughter likes, but that doesn't really add anything or go anything.  Eventually the conflict between the daughter and boy (and Statham and that family) seems to fall away for these random people from the drug lord. 

The story just lacks the clear focus that a good action movie needs, making it feel muddled and emotionally flat.  That said, there is a lot here that works.  Statham and Franco played their parts very well.  Statham is the stoic tough guy (as always), but seen as a father helps give him more than more of his action movies.  Franco as the meth dealer plays against the tough guy, he is more of a thinker, a plotter and schemer, and it makes the movie much more interesting. 

This is a good movie with some nice acting and pieces, but suffers from a muddled core and lack of compelling direct conflict between the two main characters.  An action movie with some heart (for Statham) and a smart villain (Franco) could have been intriguing.  This was entertaining, but didn't quite get to intriguing.

*** RENTAL ***

Watch also: DIE HARD (a classic), MOMENTO (Christopher Nolan's breakthru), BANK JOB (a very good Statham movie).

THE COUNSELOR (2013)

This is a thriller (supposedly) directed by  Ridley Scott, from an original screenplay by Cormac McCarthy (All the Pretty Horses, ).  It has an all-star cast with Michael Fassbender (lead), Cameron Diaz, Javier Bardem, Penélope Cruz and Brad Pitt.

The story: A lawyer known only as "The Counselor" (Fessbender)gets involved in a drug deal with aruthless Mexican cartel, but when it goes bad the cartel come after him and everyone he loves.

Was it good?

No.  Why?  Because it was SOOOO BOOORING.  The entire first half of the movie is setting up The Counselor getting involved with the drug deal and it going wrong.  For the most part, it's just people sitting around talking in a strange, clipped way that I think is supposed to make them sound deep.  Maybe there's supposed to be a feeling of suspense, but it isn't there.  Also not there is motive.  No one seems to have a need for the money.  It's like all this is just a thing to do.  Also lacking is any real sense to the way The Counselor gets blamed for the deal going wrong.  It's just a strange coincidence.  Now coincidences happen and it can be okay for movies to turn on them, but you usually want them in the first quarter of the movie, not the second half.  From there, there's a feeling of inevitability as the cartel and other close in on The Counselor.  Now in all fairness, McCarthy's novels are incredibly praised in large part for the sort of "deep" sparceness he used in this film.  It just didn't work for me at all here.  It lacked tension, it lacked depth, it lacked emotion.  And the thing with Cameron Diaz uses the car windshield to masturbate herself was just dumb.

*** AVOID ***

See instead: GONE BABY GONE (Ben Affleck's directoral debut), EL MARIACHI (Robert Rodruigez's first feature length film), or RUN LOLA RUN.

ZOMBIE NIGHT (2013) ** AVOID ***

ZOMBIE NIGHT (2013)

Another zombie movie.  This one directed by John Gulager (Feast 1-3, Piranha 2 - 3DD).  Written by Richard Schenkman (story), Keith Allan (screenplay).  Stars: Anthony Michael Hall (Dead Zone), Daryl Hannah (Splash, Blade Runner), Alan Ruck (Ferris Bueller's Day Off), and Shirley Jones (Patridge Family).

The story: The dead are rising!  Two family try to hide out in their homes until morning, when the effect will wear off.  However, things go bad and the families have to decide to help each other or turn on each other.

Was it good?

No.  There's nothing wrong with the basic idea, and I'm a big fan of Hall and have wtached Gulager's work since FEAST.  However, the story is just uninteresting.  There's nothing new here.  It basically is NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, but instead of strangers in one house, it is two families in separate houses.  It's a shame, because zombies are such a good way to explore humanity.  They easily could have made it a look at modern suburbs -- are neighbor's really friends?  Are they stranger?  And there was a relationship between the teens that could have played a part, but really it could have been taken out.

Watch instead: Warm Body (for a more interesting take on zombies), and classics like Night of the Living Dead (original), Return of the Living Dead

COTTAGE COUNTRY (2013) *** AVOID ***

COUNTRY COTTAGE (2013)

A horror comedy directed by Peter Wellington.  Written by Jeremy Boxen.  Stars: Malin Akerman (Watchmen), Tyler Labine (Tucker and Dale vs Evil), Dan Petronijevic, Lucy Punch.

What's the story? A couple go up to a family cabin where the man plans on proposing (Akerman and Labine).  However once they are there, his brother shows up with his slutty girlfriend and begin annoying them until, by accident, the brother kills his brother.  Then they have to cover it up by killing his girlfriend.  Except the dead brother had already invited a bunch of friends over, and then the police show up...and the guy and his grilfriend have to try harder and harder to cover up the killing.

Was it good?

No.  It wasn't horrible.  But almost all of this was stuff that has been done before, again and again.  There's nothing really new here.  Labine's other horror/comedy TUCKER AND DALE VS EVIL was a wonderful refreshing and wacky mix of horror and comedy.  This is been there-done that.  You could do worse, but unless you are a die hard Labine or Akerman fan, you could do a lot better.

See instead: TUCKER AND DALE VS EVIL, EVIL DEAD 2, HOUSE, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD.

OUT OF THE FURNACE (2013) *** AVOID ***

OUT OF THE FURNACE (2013)

A movie about brothers and revenge.  Directed by Scott Cooper (director of Crazy Heart, which won Jeff Bridges an Oscar) from a script he co-wrote.  Stars: Christian Bale, Woody Harrelson, Casey Affleck, Forest Whitaker, Willem Dafoe, Zoe Saldana, Sam Shepard.

The story: After getting out of jail, one brother (Bale) tries to look after his younger brother (Affleck) who is in debt and getting involved in an underground fighting ring run by violent drug dealers.  When the younger brother goes missing, the older brother goes to find out what happened...

Was it good?

No.  There's nothing wrong with the concept -- in fact, it sounded pretty cool to me when I first saw the previews for it.  However, this is not an intense thriller.  This is a slow, plodding, disconnected character piece with the trappings of a thriller.  There's never any mystery and there are no interesting twists and turns.  There really aren't any thrills -- what little conflict there is always has a feeling of a result that is inevitable.  Now that alone doesn't mean it is bad.  A slow character piece can still be fascinating, but there just isn't anything fascinating here.  There's no depth, no conflict.  It's a movie that seems to want to say something but ultimately seems to have nothing to say.

Now all this isn't to say the movie is all bad.  The performances by Bale and Harrelson are solid.  They just don't have much to do.  Bale plays the tough but caring big brother.  Harrelson plays the dangerous psycho.  That's it.  No exploration of character.  There's also a bunch of other elements that never really pay off -- Bale going to jail, Bale losing the woman he loves, Bale losing his father.  Maybe all that was supposed to push him to a point of desperation with his brother, but it seems like losing your brother is already enough to make you do anything to find him, so none of that really felt like it added anything.

In the end, while some of the performances were solid, there just wasn't enough here to overcome a sloppy, plodding screenplay and a lack of character depth or theme.

*** AVOID ***

RAZE (2014) ** RENTAL ***

RAZE (2014) *** RENTAL ***

Hot chicks beating each other to death in an underground fight club.  Dicrected by Josh C. Waller.  Written by .  Stars Zoë Bell with Rachel Nichols, Tracie Thoms and a cameo by Rosario Dawson.

The story:  a woman is abducted and awakens in an underground bunker where fifty abducted women have to fight MMA style to the death or their loved ones will be killed.  Only one will survive and she will be given her freedom.

Was it good?

Kind of.  It was entertaining.  There really isn't any story -- just hot women pounding the hell out of each other -- but it seems to understand that and doesn't try to do too much.  It doesn't have the gonzo fun of the typical women's prison movie, with tawdry sex going on as well, and there isn't really any social statement here. There's also no humor.  But as a rental, where you can talk and play cards, this has some good fight sequences for background entertainment.  Still...it would have been nice if they had done a bit more, especially considering they had Zoe Bell and Rachel Nichols.  Not film worth price of admission, but for a couple buck rental, it's more solid than a lot of low budget films.

*** RENTAL ***

THE FOLLOWING (season 1) *** AVOID ***

THE FOLLOWING (season 1)

A tv show starring Kevin Bacon as an FBI agent.  Created by Kevin Williamson (Scream, Dawson's Creek, Gossip Girl exec producer).

The story: a serial killer who, while in jail, gains a cult following of people willing to become serial killers and follow his every command.  They break him out of jail and set out to capture his ex-wife and son, whom he loves.  It is up to the ex-FBI agent (Kevin bacon) to come back and catch him.

Was it good?

No.  Don't get me wrong, there is a lot to like about the show.  Kevin Bacon is always interesting and James Purefoy, who plays escaped serial killer, is great.  The idea of a cult of killers is interesting as well.  The problem is that every acts incredibly stupid.  The serial killer wants his ex-wife back, but his plan is basically just send people with guns to any place he might think.  The FBI agents are also stupid.  Seriously, they let the cult agents get the drop on them every episode.  It's amazing how often it happens.  These agents look less competent than Paul Blart, Mall Cop.

Unfortunately, while there is a lot of interesting elements in the set up, nothing is really explored.  A cult of serial killers?  Cool.  But does it explore that?  Not really.  It's just a cult.  Go with it.  You get more insight into character in an episode of CRIMINAL MINDS.  And for all the backstory about the characters (the FBI agent fell in love with the killer's ex-wife) there really isn't anything going on interesting there either.  The way it is set up it is supposed to be a chess match, but there's nothing that either side is playing for.  The killer wants his ex-wife back.  Why?  And how does he think he will get it?  Again, there's an idea but it's just an empty one, a placeholder so you will watch people run around with guns.  What does Kevin Bacon want?  There's also no clear end game.  Chess works because we know what the endgame is -- checkmate.  You can guess from the FBI side it is capturing the bad guy, and yet there's almost nothing about locating him or capturing his people.  And of course, there's the ex-wife who is at the center of it all and is as well developed of a character as a table lamp.

Maybe the show was exciting in its original run, with episodes spread out a week apart.  But marathoning this show just makes all the empty, stupidity of it way too obvious.

*** AVOID ***

KILLER HOLIDAY (2013) *** AVOID ***

KILLER HOLIDAY (2013)  *** AVOID ***

A horror movie by Marty Thomas.  Stars Michael Copon, Rachel Lara, Julia Beth Stern, Alex Mandel, Rachel Wixom.

The story: a group of friends go on a road trip and visit a closed amusement park where they are stalked by a sadistic killer.

Was it good?

No.  No, no, no, no, no.  It's horror that has absolutely nothing scary about it.  And that could work if it were entertaining in some other way -- if there was an interesting dramatic thru-line or if it was funny...but there's nothing here.  the killer is just this guy who acts like he is auditioning for Beetlejuice (without realizing this isn't a comedy).  Slasher films can work easily in one of two ways: (1) give us characters we like and build the horror as they are killed off or (2) give us characters we don't like and build the enjoyment from watching them die.  Of course that helps if you have a villain who is scary or imposing in some way.  This is just this guy.  Seriously, I don't even I would be scared of him and I'm a wuss.  What would be nice is if directors thought for a few minutes about what is actually scary when constructing their scripts instead of thinking they can just copy the copy of a copy of a movie that made an impact 30 years ago and think it will have any impact.

This isn't a movie to avoid simply because it is bad.  Bad movies can be fun when the filmmakers are trying to explore something they think are interesting.  It's a movie to avoid because it's just a crappy, lazy copy.   Why bother?

**** AVOID ****

BOUNTY KILLER (2013) ** RENTAL ***

BOUNTY KILLER (2013)

A post-apocalyptic action comedy with sexy bounty hunters.  Directed by Henry Saine.  Stars Matthew Marsden and Christian Pitre with appearances by Kristanna Loken, Beverly D'Angelo, Eve,  Alexa Vega and Gary Busey.

The story: After corporate greed has left the world a giant wasteland, white collar crimes get a death penalty.  Bounty Killers are the people who go after them and are celebrities with fans.  The story follows Drifter (Matthew Marsden) and Mary Death (Christian Pitre) as a bounty is placed on Drifter and they team up (after she goes after him for the bounty) have to evade killers and gypsies to track down the council to find out what is going on.

Was it good?

It was entertaining for a bit.   The strange mix of desolation and celebrity was interesting, and this is certainly a movie that tries to do a lot more than most low budget films.  The co-star Christian Pitre is beautiful and energetic.  This is a movie that just wants to be a B-movie, almost more homage than
real film.  Where as other movies like DEATH RACE 2000 and MAD MAX used the concept to delve into something more, this is just all superficial fun.  Unfortunately, like most movies that are 70% recycling, the humor isn't funny, the characters are cardboard, the plot doesn't make sense and ultimately the movie feels like a pretty empty thing.

Still, Considering the title and cover, you get the feeling the renters will know what they are getting, and while it doesn't have enough to it to make it a cult classic, it has enough for people who like action, sexy women, and ridiculous sci-fi a watch.

***RENTAL ***

HATCHET 3 (2013) *** RENTAL ***

HATCHET 3 *** RENTAL ***

This is the third (and last?) in the series for HATCHET, the horror series by Adam Green.  Green doesn't direct this one, but he wrote and produces it.  Directed by BJ McDonnell.  Starring Danielle Harris, Kane Hodder, Zach Galligan, Caroline Williams, Robert Diago DoQui, Derek Mears.

The story: Picking up where HATCHET 2 left off, Marybeth Dunston(Danielle Harris) kills Victor Crowley (Kane Holder), then goes to a police station where she is immediately made the prime suspect in the murder of all the people from HATCHET 2.  First the police, then FBI go to  Honey Island Swamp to investigate.  Meanwhile, Amanda Fowler (Caroline Williams), who wants to write a book about Crowley, tries to interview Marybeth, telling her that Crowley can't be killed because he is already dead.  Now the police are attacked by a rejuvenated Crowley and Marybeth with Amanda will try to find a way to stop Crowley once and for all.

Was it good? 

It was, especially the first half.  Starting with a bang, we get right into the action.  Then having Dunston locked up while the police investigate was a nice twist to the standard horror plot and keeps everything interesting.  The writing and acting aren't anything special here, but Danielle Harris does a nice job and it's good to see Zach Galligan (who starred in one of my favorite movies of all time -- GREMLINS!) here as well.  The story really bogs down when the rejuvenated Crowley begins attacking the police, where everything starts to feel very by the numbers.  By the end I didn't really care which side won.  Crowley kills people.  They kill him, but he isn't really dead and he kills a bunch more and they kill him again, but he isn't really dead, etc, etc.  Just crazy repetitious.  Some of the beats were entertaining, but you never like or hate the characters enough to root for or against them. 

Still for all the predictable parts and not-funny dialog, there is still enough here that I liked to recommend it to horror fans.  This isn't horror that will thrill, but for a slightly twisted group looking for a group looking for a fun Friday night splatter-fest, this will fit the bill.

*** RENTAL ***

MISCHIEF NIGHT (2013) *** AVOID ***

MISCHIEF NIGHT (2013)

A horror movie that takes place on Mischief Night, which might be the night before Halloween but I'm not sure and the movie doesn't care.  They just like to say Mischief Night and talk about people pulling pranks, except this is a horror movie not a prank.  Although the movie would have been better as a prank.  The actors seem good and give a good effort, but they have nothing to work with in this derivative mess that tries to combine THE STRANGERS with hints of SCREAM without really getting why those movies worked.  Written/directed by Richard Schenkman from a story by Jesse Baget.  Stars: Noell Coet, Ian Bamberg, Adam C. Edwards, Stephanie Erb.

The story: Emily (Noell Coet) is a blind asthmatic girl who lost her sight after her mother died in a traffic accident.  Her father is finally going to start dating again, leaving his blind daughter alone on Mischief Night, a night when teens run around playing pranks on people.  Except Emily is visited by a mysterious man in a mask who isn't playing a prank but toying with her while killing everyone who tries to help her.

Was it good?

In parts.  The leads actress is charismatic and the movie uses suspense more than gore so there are parts of the movie when we realize the mysterious man is in the house and stalking her that have a definite creepy feel.  Unfortunately, it's about 5 minutes out of a 90 minute movie.  The rest is hack work and even worse doesn't make any sense.  For instance, her boyfriend comes over and she is panicking so he is going to hep get her to safety, but then they go into a room with her mother's stuff and suddenly they are perfectly okay just standing and talking for a while.  Yeah, there's a killer running around, her aunt might be dead, but this is a good time to go through a yearbook.

The movie might have been more interesting if it played against conventions.  The girl is blind so there's one scene where she walks past a dead body.  Wouldn't she be able to smell the body?  Or at least wouldn't it be more interesting?  What if the attacker was used to hiding in the darkness, but because she is blind she actually can tell he is there even better?  Wouldn't that be more interesting?

Even worse, as much as it rips off THE STRANGERS and SCREAM, it doesn't understand what made those movies work.  SCREAM takes the idea of a girl unsure if she is ready for sex (trust her boyfriend) and externalizes it in horror movie fashion into her not trusting if he is a killer.  THE STRANGERS takes a couple who love each other but are about to break up, then they are attacked and realize they love each other and want to be together.  See -- each of those stories took strong emotional stories and used horror to externalize them.  That's why you can build thrills and scares, because the audience has keyed into the characters from the real emotional stories.  Here there is nothing.  She has a boyfriend, and at a point it seemed like they were playing with is he cheating/is he the killer but that gets dropped and becomes nothing.  There's the stuff with her sight/blindness but that doesn't have any connection to the killers or Mischief Night.

Derivative.  Boring.  Not scary.  It's not the worse movie out there, but it's not good enough to bother watching.

*** AVOID ****

FRIGHT NIGHT 2 (2013) *** AVOID ***

FRIGHT NIGHT 2 (2013) ** AVOID ***

A sort of sequel, sort of remake of the 2011 film that was a remake of the classic 1985 horror comedy.  Directed by Eduardo Rodriguez.  Stars: Will Payne, Jaime Murray, Sean Power, Sacha Parkinson, and Chris Waller.

The story: a college student with his class in Romania realizes his female professor is really a vampire, so he, his best friend, and the girl he likes but who doesn't like him because he cheated on her find a guy who plays a vampire hunter on tv thinking he will be able to help them and of course it goes badly.  The friend is killed, the girl kidnapped and turned and the boy must stop an ancient ritual that will let the vampire continue to walk in sunlight.

Was it good?

No.  I mean, really no.  While is a pitched as a sequel it really has nothing in common with its predecessor (the remake of the original).  All they basically did was do the first movie over while changing the vampire to a female and adding lots of nudity.  Now the nudity I'm fine with, but the change of the vampire messes things up.  You see, part of what made the first (1985) movie work so well was that it was a simple play on a common story -- the boy in love with a girl who loses the girl to another guy, only in that case the other guy is really a vampire.  Changing it to a female vampire really ruins that and it just becomes a story about kids running around and a vampire that can kill people at will and not have the police investigate or anything.  It's disappointing (though not surprising).  Still, I would love to find a good, fun vampire movie.  It's a shame there are so many made and yet so few that are good.

*** AVOID ***

Much ado About Nothing (2012) *** AVOID ***

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING (2012) *** AVOID ***

The modern retelling of the Shakespearean play.  This is the second of the no budget projects Joss WHedon has been doing (second after Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog, which is fantastic!) where he called up a bunch of actor friends (many of whom have worked with him before in Firefly, Angel or the Avengers) and filmed it in his house for a couple weeks.  Sounds pretty cool, don't it?  (It's good to be Joss!).  Directed by Joss Whedon.  Stars: Amy Acker, Alexis Denisof, Nathan Fillion, Clark Gregg, Reed Diamond, Fran Kranz, Sean Maher, and Jillian Morgese.

The story: Benedick had a one night stand with Beatrice, which went badly and now they hate each other.  So, while another marriage is being arranged, everyone connives to get the two of them together.  Also while that is happening there is a scheme to break up that marriage by making the groom think the girl has been unfaithful.

Was it good?

No.  In many ways this play is the a great early example of almost all of our romantic comedy cliches.  It has the couple that hates then falls in love, the misunderstanding that gets blown out of proportion, the evil scheme to break people up, the scheme to get people together.  Really just all the cliches we are tired of.  Which is the problem.  Even if this is the first story to use those tropes (or some of them), is it still comes off as being all those same ridiculous cliches.  At least TAMING OF THE SHREW dives into the gender wars a bit.  This just flits along consumed with its own silliness.  It would have been interested if Whedon had done a real reinvention, taking some of these cliches and turned them on their heads.  But no.  Nothing like that.

Beyond the faults of the source material, there isn't much great here.  Amy Acker (Angel, Person of Interest) and Alexis Denisof (Angel, Buffy) are very good supporting tv actor, but they just don't commend your attention as romantic leads in a movie.  The only actor who really seems to pull off his role is Nathan Fillion, who as a blustering detective steals his scenes and makes his scenes funnier than the scenes should be.  Most of the other actors do well, but rarely elevate the material.

Oddly enough, this group is much more entertaining when you see them live.  I saw them doing a panel at a comic convention and they -- the whole group, every one of them (except Fillion, he wasn't there) were funny and charming and wonderful.  Maybe it was the Shakespearean  mumble rocks they had to speak around or the contrived plot, but the movie just doesn't live up to what the director and cast showed they could do.  So if you are a fan, try youtubing the panels they did -- they're better than the movie.

***AVOID***

PACIFIC RIM (2013) *** RENTAL ***

PACIFIC RIM (2013) *** RENTAL ***

The big sci-fi/fantasy action film by Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy).  Features giant robots fighting monsters.  Stars Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day, Robert Kazinsky, Max Martini, and Ron Perlman.

The story:  a rift to another dimension opens up in the ocean floor and giant monsters start coming out and attacking cities.  To fight them, the world build giant robots.  But as the attacks escalate, they have to carry out a dangerous mission to try to stop them once and for all.

Was it good?

Um...kind of?  I mean look, there's something about watching giant robots fight giant monsters that's just plain cool.  As dopey as it sounds, don't you want to see it?  Some guy in a giant robot suit going toe to toe with a godzilla-like monster all in glorious full screen cgi?  And really that's why I'm giving this a RENTAL because there is just some stuff that is cool to see and this has lots of cool.  However -- and let me repeat that -- HOWEVER I also have to add that this movie is filled with some of the dumbest of everything you could ever imagine.  First, they say we built giant robots to fight the monsters like that is a normal thing.  Who the frack would think of building giant robots?!?!?  And that really is the biggest problem.  This is a movie about giant robots fighting giant monsters and everything else is just an excuse to let this happen.  Really you could replace almost every line of
dialog with Charlie Brown's teacher going "wawawawawa" and the movie would be the same.  There's no thought to the creatures -- they just destroy.  There's no logic behind the dimensional portal (or explanation) -- it's just there.  And why can't they close it?  Because they can't, until they can.  It's like a little kid telling a story where they just kind of make up one thing and then hop to another.  Even the computer interface doesn't make sense (you need two people to pilot a robot...except not always...and is it important?  no, not really).  There is not one piece of genuine science fiction (i.e. thinking), not one piece of clever, not one piece of smart in the entire movie.

But it has del Toro directing giant robots fighting giant monsters.  And that's why I'm giving it a rental, because that is enough to keep you watching once.  Once.

**** RENTAL ****

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)  *** RECOMMEND***

A twisted revisionist update to the classic fairy tale.  Stars Jeremy Renner (The Avengers, Bourne Ultimatum), Gemma Arterton, and Famke Janssen.  Written and directed by Tommy Wirkola.

The story:  Hansel and Gretel, after escaping from a witch when they were children, have grown up to become kick a** witch hunteres!  They come to a town where children have gone missing and learn a powerful witch is taking them for a ritual that will make her immune to fire.  Hansel and Gretel try to save the children and defeat the witch, while learning things about their past.

Was it good?

Yes!  Which surprised me.  It is such a silly, goofy idea, but here's the thing -- the filmmaker seemed to understand that and embraced it.  Instead of doing something grounded and dark, he made something vibrant and fun.  Hansel and Gretel aren't just witch hunters, they are witch hunters with a bunch of cool a** steam-punk inspired weapons.  The plot, while not inspired, does a good enough job to keep things interesting.  This isn't a deep, brain teaser of a movie -- it's popcorn for action/horror buffs.  My biggest complaint is that the movies seems divided whether it wants to be rated R or PG-13 (it's rated R).  Some times it would embrace the R-rated sexy/violence and other times it seemed to pull back from it.  Hopefully in the sequel (it was a big hit so I assume there will be one) they will embrace the R-nature and really give us a sexy, crazy action movie for adults who like to be giddy kids!

*** RECOMMEND ****

SORORITY PARTY MASSACRE (2013)            *** avoid ***

A low budget horror movies that has a bevy of good looking girls (including Marissa Skell, Eve Mauro, Casey Fitzgerald, Rebecca Grant, Adrian Kirk, Alison Mei Lan and Yvette Yates)  and Kevin Sorbo (Hercules) and Ron Jeremy (porn star).  Why it has them I don't know, but it does.  Written by Chris W. Freeman.  Directed by Chris Freeman and Justin Jones.

The Story: a bunch of girls go to an isolated house to compete for their national sorority until a killer begins killing them off.

Was it good?
No.  In fact, it wasn't even as good as my description.  If they had just made the movie from that description they could have made a fun, sexy, horror movie.  Instead what they made was just horrible.  It begins with a girl getting killed (as many horror movies do), which is fine except it's the whole killer-taunting-on-the-phone in a way that is so stupid and painful it is an embarrassment even without being a rip off of SCREAM.  Then there is a bunch of stuff with Kevin Sorbo.  Why?  Who knows.  It's not like anyone renting a sorority horror movie really is doing it to watch Kevin Sorbo.  Maybe they did it for foreign sales?  Or maybe they are just idiots.  Anyway...after that it means they have used up the first 30 minutes before they even get to the main girls who will be gathering at the house.  And as hard to believe the movie just gets worse.  There's nothing scary.  There's nothing funny.  There's nothing to the whole sorority girl competition.  And they don't even do a good job of showing off the girls!  Serious, how can you screw up that!!!
     I could go on about the painful stupidity of the movie but I won't.  Instead, let's talk about b-horror movies and what can make them great.  Simply, horror movies (especially those silly b-horror movies) are the most pure rebellion against society you can have.  Forget reading Catcher in the Rye, horror movies are the real deal.  Horror movies (b-movies) work when they are filled with and embrace all the things parents try to keep away from the children -- sex, drinking, parties, bad decisions, and of course getting killed.  It's why viewers have a sense of glee as the characters get killed.  The ultimate rebellion, cheering for kids to die!  Horror movies are the perfect balance: rebellion and partying, but then getting caught in your own bad decisions, leading to the ultimate punishment which ironically is the things parents fear even more than the drugs and sex.  It's why you can make an incredibly cheap movie with crappy scripts and bad actors and poor lighting and worse special effects and have it still be incredibly watchable. 
Unfortunately for everyone involved this movie is just beyond lame, beyond stupid, beyond dull.

**** AVOID ***