Tuesday, March 4, 2014

NO ONE LIVES (2012) *** AVOID ***

A twist on a classic horror film staple -- the bad guys terrorizing an innocent couple off the in boondocks.  Lots of style, lots of gore and a bit of nudity.  Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura and written by David Cohen.  Stars Luke Evans, , Adelaide Clemens, Derek Magyar, America Olivo, Lindsey Shaw, Lee Tergesen, and Brodus Clay.

The story: a group of bad guys kidnap a traveling couple only to find the man is a psychopath who will now terrorize them and kill them all.

Was it good?

No.  No, really, no.  And it's frustrating because there are a lot of good things about the movie.  I like the cast who are much more solid than horror movies usually get.  The directing has lots of style.  And it isn't one of those pg-13 wuss outs -- this is a hard R with lots of violence, gore and some nudity.  The problem is the story just doesn't make any sense, nothing connects, and it becomes as empty as any Z-grade horror schlock made in some guy's backyard.

After some early character stuff, which is fine, we get to the action.  The couple (Evans andRamsey) is hijacked by one of the bad guys.  He plans on torturing them to get their pin number sand bank account, etc.  Instead the girl kills herself on his knife and the guy now sets out to kill them all.  So why did the girl kill herself?  I have no idea.  Clearly the boyfriend is enough of a bad ass he could have taken otu the other guy and probably saved her.  So why do it?  It's these weird lapses that seem to be thrown in just because they are cool but really make no sense at all that make this an AVOID movie.  Which is a shame because it easily could have been a cool little film.

So what other bizarre nonsense is in the film?  The part where the man about to get revenge goes for a skinny dip and starts walking around naked.  (Not a problem since he has clothes a moment later.)  There's the girl who was a hostage who seems to both like and hate the man who took her hostage for some reason, even though it's not explained why he took her hostage or why his girlfriend would be okay with it.  Honestly, I could go on and on, but this is a movie based on what would be cool not what could ever possibly make sense.  So why does the guy have a hostage in his car?  Because it's cool.  Why does the girl take a shower?  Because it's cool. 

And it's a shame a little more thought wasn't put into making this pile of cool-wanna-be actually form a story that makes any sort of sense, because like I said there's a lot of good and this could have been a cool little film.  Instead:

*** AVOID ***

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