SORORITY PARTY MASSACRE (2013)            *** avoid ***

A low budget horror movies that has a bevy of good looking girls (including Marissa Skell, Eve Mauro, Casey Fitzgerald, Rebecca Grant, Adrian Kirk, Alison Mei Lan and Yvette Yates)  and Kevin Sorbo (Hercules) and Ron Jeremy (porn star).  Why it has them I don't know, but it does.  Written by Chris W. Freeman.  Directed by Chris Freeman and Justin Jones.

The Story: a bunch of girls go to an isolated house to compete for their national sorority until a killer begins killing them off.

Was it good?
No.  In fact, it wasn't even as good as my description.  If they had just made the movie from that description they could have made a fun, sexy, horror movie.  Instead what they made was just horrible.  It begins with a girl getting killed (as many horror movies do), which is fine except it's the whole killer-taunting-on-the-phone in a way that is so stupid and painful it is an embarrassment even without being a rip off of SCREAM.  Then there is a bunch of stuff with Kevin Sorbo.  Why?  Who knows.  It's not like anyone renting a sorority horror movie really is doing it to watch Kevin Sorbo.  Maybe they did it for foreign sales?  Or maybe they are just idiots.  Anyway...after that it means they have used up the first 30 minutes before they even get to the main girls who will be gathering at the house.  And as hard to believe the movie just gets worse.  There's nothing scary.  There's nothing funny.  There's nothing to the whole sorority girl competition.  And they don't even do a good job of showing off the girls!  Serious, how can you screw up that!!!
     I could go on about the painful stupidity of the movie but I won't.  Instead, let's talk about b-horror movies and what can make them great.  Simply, horror movies (especially those silly b-horror movies) are the most pure rebellion against society you can have.  Forget reading Catcher in the Rye, horror movies are the real deal.  Horror movies (b-movies) work when they are filled with and embrace all the things parents try to keep away from the children -- sex, drinking, parties, bad decisions, and of course getting killed.  It's why viewers have a sense of glee as the characters get killed.  The ultimate rebellion, cheering for kids to die!  Horror movies are the perfect balance: rebellion and partying, but then getting caught in your own bad decisions, leading to the ultimate punishment which ironically is the things parents fear even more than the drugs and sex.  It's why you can make an incredibly cheap movie with crappy scripts and bad actors and poor lighting and worse special effects and have it still be incredibly watchable. 
Unfortunately for everyone involved this movie is just beyond lame, beyond stupid, beyond dull.

**** AVOID ***