WONDER WOMAN PILOT (2011) (a review)

WONDER WOMAN PILOT (2011) (a review)

This was a very high profile pilot made for the 2011 fall season. It was written by David E Kelley (Ally McBeal) and starred Adrianne Palicki (Friday Night Lights) and Elizabeth Hurley. It didn't get picked up. Lots of negative buzz. So how was it? Bad, but let's talk about it.

The story: Wonder Woman, aka Diana Prince (Adrianne Palicki) is a vigilante who is accepted and even loved by the police. She finds out people are being filled with illegal steroids to try to give them super-powers and she tries to take down the woman behind it.

Was it good?

No. And there are a lot of things we could talk about at being bad -- especially the first scene where she is running down the middle of the street which just looked ridiculous -- but let's start with the big one: story.

The idea of her hunting down someone giving people superpowers is interesting, but that never seems to be the focus. The big thing is never that someone is trying to create their own superheroes, it's just illegal steriods. Yawn. They had a cool idea and just didn't sieze it. And it goes to that other big question -- What's this about? If the external side is fighting the bad guy, then what's the internal...and I really couldn't say. There are some weird things in here -- like a long conversation where she while discussing a line of Wonder Woman dolls complains about the size of the breasts on the doll even though her boobs are being pushed up to her chin by her costume. There are other things pointing to the idea of her feeling alone, that being famous and loved isn't all that, but again none of that really seems to be the emotional focus.

So you watch the pilot and just think why??? Why make it, why bother, why was this interesting??? I don't know.

There are a lot of other things wrong. People complained about the costume, but that could be fixed. The acting wasn't great and the fight scenes were lame, but again there's a possiblity those could be improved over time. The humor doesn't work and it's a weird mix when they are struggling to get the drama to work. They also don't talk about WW's origin or anything -- they just throw her out there as a woman who runs down the middle of the street and is cheered by people and makes toys based on herself. Why not have an origin story? Why not start at the beginning?

I've seen good pilots that didn't get picked up (Global Frequency was pretty cool), but this one wasn't close.

*** (actually you don't have to avoid it since it was never picked up) ****

SCREAM 4 (2011) (a review)

SCREAM 4 (2011) (a review)

This is the restart of the SCREAM franchise that re-teams the original writer (Kevin Williamson) and director (Wes Craven). It also brings back Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette and brings in a new group of teens -- Emma Roberts, Hayden Panettierre, Rory Caulkin. This is a movie that was plagued with problems -- apparently they brought in other people to rewrite Williamson and Craven was unhappy about a number of things. The original SCREAM was a big hit. This one wasn't.

The story: Sydney Prescott (Neve Campbell) comes back to Woodboro to promote a book only to have a new Ghostface killer killing off high school students.

Was it good?

No.

Look, there were a lot of problems but for me it came down to something simple. The first movie worked because it had a brilliant idea -- it has a young girl unsure if she should have sex with her boyfriend and then externalized it in the context of a horror movie to being a story about a young girl not sure if her boyfriend is a killer. Yes, the movie had some scares and a lot of humor and the whole deconstruction thing, but the reason it worked, why we rooted for her and became involved with that simple parallel. It's the Buffy method -- understand the emotion your character is going through and find a cool way to externalize it.

This movie had none of it. Sydney really isn't dealing with anything -- in fact none of the characters seemed to be dealing with anything -- and the eventual reveal was kind of boring. The original is all about trusting the boyfriend so when they reveal that he is the killer...well, that was pretty cool. Here, when it is finally revealed it just comes out of nowhere and feels lame. In fact, it would have been better to reveal the killer from the beginning. That at least would have added some tension that was lacking since every scene with them we would know they were the killer planning the next crime right in front of the people trying to stop them.

But this was just lame.

*** AVOID ***

HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN (2011) (a review)

HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN (2011) (a review)

A crime story. Stars Dave Bautista (WWE champion), Amy Smart, Dominic Purcell and Danny Trejo. Based on the novel by Chuck Hustmyre. Directed by Brian A Miller.

The story: an ex-con has to go on the run to prove his innocence after he is blamed for the death of his boss' son as both the cops and the mob close in on him.

Was it good?

No. There are a lot of things wrong with it -- the acting is pretty bad and the directing isn't what you would call good. But the big problem is there just isn't any cool. The idea is fine, but we've seen stuff like this a thousand times. So what's the thing here that's unique? What's the thing that's new? And I just couldn't tell you. The lack of anything new makes you feel like you are watching something you have seen before. Add to the fact that the writing is flat and the acting flatter, and this is a pass. One thing I did like was Amy Smart. She's an actress I like who never seems to get material that fits her, and while this material wasn't a great fit for her either it was better for her than a lot of movies (like MIRRORS). Unfortuantely, that's not enough to recommend it.

*** AVOID ***

THE HIDDEN 3D (2011) (a review)

THE HIDDEN 3D (2011) (a review)

This is a Canadian/Italian horror film. Don't know much about the people. Didn't feel like looking it up.

The story: A woman finds a way to take people's addictions and make the physical so they can be removed, but once removed they take on a life of their own. Cut to twenty years later and she is dead and her son inherits her mansion (because of course she would never do experiments in something as boring as a lab) and brings his friends there to check it out even though he doesn't want to be there. One of the friends is a girl he likes, I guess. At the mansion they encounter weird insects and mutant children in the basement and have to try to survive.

Was it good?

Huh? Serious? You read the story and thought that it might actually have a chance at being good??? No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Nothing here makes sense. The idea of making addictions physical might be interesting, but they never do anything with it -- the children (or anyone/thing else for that matter) never act like the physical embodiment of any addiction. For that matter there's the whole idea that the addictions can live outside people so why do they become mutant children? And why do they just act like flesh hungry zombies instead of something addiction-like? And what was with the weird insects again, or was that just because they had money to kill on special effects?

It also doesn't work on a character level. Empty, boring, no story, no arc...nada. The characters didn't even need to have names because there is nothing to differentiate them. It's one of those movies where it feels like the filmmakers didn't care. Just throw in some weird children and special effects and people will like it.

Wrong. It sucked.

*** AVOID ***

THE WARD (2010) (a review)

THE WARD (2010) (a review)

The latest horror movie by John Carpenter, the horror master behind HALLOWEEN, THE FOG, THE THING (remake), ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK and more. The movie stars Amber Heard (Drive Angry, Zombieland, Friday Night Lights (the movie)).

The story: a girl burns down a farmhouse and is taken to an insane asylum. The doctor seems to have another agenda and there is a girl who died and now is a ghost coming back to kill people off. The girl must discover the mystery of the ghost before she is killed off too.

Was it good?

No.

The problem is two-fold. First, the twist is something I've seen before and to be honest didn't like the first time. (I won't say the name of the movie but it stars an actor named John C--).

The second problem is there isn't anything there other than the twist. There isn't a compelling up front, non-hidden, non-twist story. In HALLOWEEN (the original), you have Jamie liking a guy but being too embarrassed to do anything about it or to let her friends do anything about it, while as the same time being envious of them having boyfriends. Here there are girls in a psych ward and...well that's just it. There are just there. There's nothing really relatable, so there's no take-away from the movie.

I'm a Carpenter fan, but this was a miss.

*** AVOID ***

8213: GACY HOUSE (2010) (a review)

8213: GACY HOUSE (2010) (a review)

DYLAN DOG: DEAD OF NIGHT (2011) (a review)

DYLAN DOG: DEAD OF NIGHT (2011) (a review)

A movie based on an Italian horror comic book by Tiziano Sclavi. Stars Brandon Routh (Superman).

The story: The world is filled with supernatural creatures. Dylan Dog (Routh) is a detective who specializes in paranormal cases that the police won't take. His partner dies and becomes one of the undead. He has to solve a case involving vampires. Or something.

Was it good?

No. I saw it a while ago and didn't bother writing about it right away and honestly I can't remember almost anything about it. It tries to be a horror/comedy/noir/thriller, but it all falls flat. These hybrids are incredibly tough to really nail and this one just doesn't work. The horror isn't scary, the noir doesn't add anything, the humor isn't funny, and the detective story just isn't interesting.

I don't want to rip on it too much. It wasn't that was movie was particularly bad, it just felt empty....passionless...like everyone was going through the motions, from the actors to the writers to the director, even though I know they weren't. It's one of the worst things to happen to a movie. A movie that feels ambitious, that tries to do something great and fails, well, that's understandable and at least they tried. The worst is when a movie feels like it just isn't trying at all and that's what happens here.

*** AVOID ***