OVER HER DEAD BODY (a review)

OVER HER DEAD BODY (a review)

Eva Longoria, Paul Rudd, Jason Biggs and Lake Bell. Written and directed by Jeff Lowell

The story? A rom-com about a psychic who falls in love with a man whose fiance has died except now the ghost-ex-fiance haunts the psychic to get her to break up with the guy.

Was it good?

So first a confession -- I had a concept almost identical to this. I first thought of the idea as a thought experiment -- what would be the craziest combination of movies I could ever imagine? Something so outrageous no one else would ever think of it? I came up with..."What if you remade SIXTH SENSE as a romantic comedy?" I loved it. It was so out there no one else would think of it. So I had an idea about a guy who falls in love with a girl but it haunted by all her ex-boyfriends. And then I heard about this movie. F*%&%&!!!!!!

Okay, so I have some issues here, but was the movie good anyway?

Not really. But it wasn't entirely horrirble. And I was ready for it to be horrible, and yes, the first ten minutes do suck, but it does pick up after that. What makes it work is Paul Rudd. For once he isn't just an obnoxious smart ass. Here he's a hurt obnoxious smart ass and it makes him much more likable then I've seen before. The fact that there is so much going on that he is completely unaware -- his ex-as a ghost, the girl he likes lying to him, etc -- makes his smart ass routine seem okay. Maybe it turns out he just needs a dose of being clueless to be likable? The other nice thing is that the main story is about these two women...and how often are two women the focus of a movie? Unfortunately, there isn't much to the actual story and everything plays out the way you would expect -- ghost haunts psychic, taunting and teasing and making her miserable until she's ready to give up, the guy discovers the lie and is hurt and dumps her, the ghost realizes she wants the guy to be happy...yada yada yada.

So no surprises. No depth. Nothing unexpected, which is nice because you can probably tell right away if you want to see it or not. If you want too then you will find it at least okay. If not, you probably won't like it. For me, it was kind of okay and kind of blah...

*** NOT RECOMMENDED (but it wasn't horrible) ****

MAREBITO (a review)

MAREBITO (a review)

Another weird Japanese horror movie. This time a strange take on a vampire story.

The story: when he sees a frightened man stab himself in the eye, Masuoka becomes obsessed with seeing what could have frightened the man and finds himself wandering in a giant underground city built by something that existed before man. Be learns of the Deros, strange humanoid creatures, and he finds a young naked girl who he brings back to his apartment. Except this girl he learns will only feed in blood. He begins to notice strange people following him. Lots of other weirdness: the girl goes missing but returns, strange phones calls, the ghost of the man who stabbed himself, a woman who says the girl is actually his daughter and...

Was it good?

Okay, I admit I didn't really finish the synopsis because I don't get the ending at all. Like a lot of Asian horror films, this one starts out with some cool stuff and then seems to decend into weird for the sake of weird with an ending that I don't understand at all. Maybe it's the fact that the Asian films don't seem to follow any rules (or at least not the ones us westerners are used to) that make them so fascinating, but it also makes them hard to love for a lot of us. Eventually weirdness for the sake of weirdness doesn't work and we need a little more explaination than these movies give us (and yes, there were people who liked the end to Lost, but there were a lot who hated it and the entire BS last season!).

There are hints that the girl/vampire is actually his daughter and that he killed his wife, which would make all this a hallucination. But is it? At the end he descends into the underground city and seems to experience terror, but I didn't really understand the what/why/meaning of it.

For me what worked was this descent into the underground city and the city itself, which was all fantastic. For that alone the movie is worth watching. And there are a lot of other things that make this worth watching -- the girl, the deros, the paranoia -- but as the movie moves from story into weird-for-weirds-sake it becomes less interesting and less meaningful and it feels less like the filmmakers are trying to communicate something powerful as they are floundering with a story that they don't understand/know what to do with.

Still, there's a lot of good here and for fans of Asian horror this is worth checking out.

*** RECOMMEND (mainly for first half) ****

YOGA (a review)

YOGA (a review)

Thsi is a South Korean horror movie and like all Japanese horror movies it has a good set up and then a bunch of weird things happen that don't really make sense and then it has a weird ending that leaves you feeling confused. Even with subtitles 90% of these movies don't make sense, but they do such a great job with the set up and atmosphere that they are still better than 99% of American horror films.

The story: a woman loses her tv sales job to a younger, sexier woman and so goes to a secret advance yoga training course that promises youth and beauty to the one person who can complete the course. But there are rules: no eating after dark, no phones, no showers within 1 hour of training, etc. All the girls become tempted to break the rules and they begin to realize something strange (horrible) is going on...

Was it good? It was pretty good. The acting was good and the story interesting. The fact that it isn't a slasher and plays into the themes of vanity and beauty and youth help keep it about the average fare. I admit I have no idea what was going on toward the end. The second half of the movie is extremely dark, so it was hard for me to follow, and then there's tons of weird stuff happening which would be hard to follow even if it was bright as day. Something with a snake? And living forever? And the girl, but a different girl, and...I don't know. One thing that was useless was a storyline with her boyfriend trying to find her that never really paid off for me (or did I miss something). All of that just distracted from the real story that was happening inside the yoga studio.

But for an atmosphere horror movie it was a notch above most -- weird and cool and had a solid set up and solid acting.

*** RECOMMEND (as weird horror) ***

SPLICE (a review)

SPLICE (a review)

The new horror movie from the director of CUBE (Vincenzo Natali), producer by Guillermo Del Toro (Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth) and starring Adrian Brody and Sarah Polly. This is supposed to be a horror movie, but honestly I haven't laughed that much or that hard in a long, long time. FUNNIEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR!

The story: a husband and wife scientistfic research team is about to have their funding cut so they take a radical step of injecting human DNA into a genetic hybrid project. What grows out of it is something not human, but kind of human, and they have to hide it (it's illegal) and care for it as if it were their daughter. Except it isn't human and begins exhibiting weird and dangerous behavior.

How was it?

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR!!!!

Now, I don't think it was supposed to be, but with a little tweaking to the editing and a different soundtrack this movie would be a cult hit on par with Rocky Horror and Showgirls.

*** VERY SPOILER HEAVY *** WARNING ** VERY SPOILER HEAVY ***

The movie starts out okay. They are trying to find some antidote thing. He wants kids, she doesn't. Then it gets funny. They need to have a great presentation to get more funding, but instead it goes horribly wrong and the two weird creatures begin fighting and kill each other and then knock the glass cage over causing it to shatter and spray the audience with glass and blood. And I mean, spray! It's the kind of over the top thing you'd expect from Sam Raimi. Hilarious! Then a bunch of weird stuff -- they put in their DNA (why?) and then this things grows. And of course it becomes a kid in about a day and the woman starts treating it like a child even though it's way to creepy to be a kid. Still, it has some of her DNA so maybe there's a bonding thing. And the funny thing is they keep trying to make the movie scary, but nothing ever happens! Like there's a scene where this thing faces off with a cat and you think it's going to eat the cat, but no it just gives the cat a hug...which is werid because later it does eat a cat. Anyway, they eventually have to take it to an abandoned barn the woman has (conveniently) and she and the creature get close until they don't. Suddenly the experiment/child is acting up so the woman/mom starts acting weird and wants to mutilate it and meanwhile the male scientist/dad who didn't even seem to like it before is suddenly dancing with it and then one night...yeah, the dad does the experiment. Right there on the barn floor. I mean, this thing is bald and has a tail and even opens WINGS and the guy is still nailing her. WINGS!!! Dude, I don't know...I've been beer goggling before but even as my most drunken state I couldn't do it with something with wings and a tail! And if that wasn't funny enough the woman catches them and he tries to explain it to her. There they after, right after she has caught his screwing their experiment/child/wing-tail genetic freak creature, and they are talking about it??? How is she not flipping out and screaming and crying. She even says "You crossed the line." Really? When did he cross the line? When he had sex with not-his wife or when he started screwing things with tails and wings that are genetic freak mutants?? To be that is so beyond "the line, so beyond the line that is past the line and past that line and the next line too, that I was howling during that scene. I mean, I was on the floor! I think I pissed myself it was so funny. In fact, I think I might have pooed a little. And then the guys says something like "We changed the rules." He's trying to explain it!!!! Like what rule change makes it okay to screw a weird wing-tail mutant???

FUNNIEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR!!!!!

But as a drama/horror it was a complete fail. There is a good idea in there and actually the parenting metaphore was interesting at first, but by the time the wife is mutilating the thign and the dad is screwing it...what the hell parallel for parenting is THAT??? And the science is all BS. It isn't science fiction it's gobbledy-gook. Apparently no one on the set had ever passed a high school bio course because everything was just stupid. As science fiction it fail, as horror it failed, as metaphore is failed. But it was funny as hell.

*** RECOMMEND (but only if you understand it is a comedy) ***

I WITNESS (a review)

I WITNESS (a review)

Stars Jeff Daniels, James Spader and Portia de Rossi.

The story: a disillusioned human rights worker goes down to Mexico to help workers as they try to unionize in a factory that is trying to fight unionization. While there he becomes involved in two mysteries -- first 22 deaths in a collapsed tunnel that appears to be drug-related and then the killings of two kids on the exact same day -- two mysteries which are very intertwined.

Was it good?

Almost. The first half was VERY slow. The initial stuff of Daniels' character coming down and dealing with workers, etc, was pretty boring to me. It didn't help that Daniels is playing a depressed character so his energy is in the negatives. It feels like he is sucking energy out of you. Yes, it's what the character calls for, but it doesn't make for a great watch. There's also a bunch of stuff with James Spader and Portia de Rossi all of which could be cut out. I guess they are there to talk about unionization and stuff, but they have nothing to do with the central mysteries and so they just make the first half feel very unfocused.

It's at midpoint that the two mysteries become intertwined and that's where the story gets interested. The next half hour is good investigation storytelling. Unfortunately the movie ends on a lame note, needing a death bed confession from a character I'm not sure I had seen before (yes, I commited the sin of double tasking).

*** SPOILER *** There is one scene I still don't understand and it seems like a weird giant plot hole to me, but maybe it is explained and I missed it. At one point Daniels and Rossi are kidnapped and forced to dig their own graves, except they actually uncover the bodies of the two boys that were killed. And then the bad guys have disappeared. So...were those bad guys who had them at gunpoint or were they good guys showing them where the bodies were or was there something else that I missed?

For me, although the second half got better, ultimately the uninteresting first half and the deus ex machina confession at the end made the movie weak. The actual story/mystery wasn't that interesting either and to get all the pieces to connect -- the kids, the people in the tunnel, the factory -- actually takes a lot of things to have happened, so instead of it being something that seems complicated but is actually clever and simple, this is something that seems simple and is actually long and complicated...which is never as satisfying in a mystery. And there isn't any other big insight -- companies are greedy. Gotcha. It was okay, but I need more for a recommend.

**** NOT RECOMMENDED (but not horrible) ****

WHALE WATCHING MASSACRE (a review)

WHALE WATCHING MASSACRE (a review)

(coming soon)

THE COOK (a review)

THE COOK (a review)

Another straight to dvd horror movie, but this has a twist...the director actually is pretty good.

The story: at a sorority house a replacement cook comes in over a holiday weekend where he goes crazy and begins killing all the girls.

Was it good?

No.

It was as ridiculously stupid as you would think, but the difference here is that if you watch the movie you get the feeling that the director is actually good. This is a case where you really, really can blame the script. So why is it that the director seems good and the script seems bad? Well, let's start with how obviously the script is bad. You can hear it in the set up -- a sorority that has it's own cook? And a replacement cook just happens to come in on a holiday weekend? So clearly this isn't going to be a scary horror movie. And yet it's not really a comedy since none of that is actually funny, just stupid/ridiculous. So right away you have a movie that you can bet isn't going to be scary and probably isn't going to really be funny. This is the kind of movie you write when you think horror movies are stupid so just make it as ridiculous as possible because since you think horror movies are stupid clearly the only reason to watch is to see how stupid it is going to be. In other words: it's written by a smart ass who looks down on the audience. And by smart ass, I mean the guy is a dick.

The rest of the movie is what you expect. The girls are all stupid except the boring ones who just want to study all the time. The cook is weird and over the top, but none of the girls notice. Throw in a couple random showers and some lesbian stuff. The killing isn't scary and there's nothing actual funny because the movie isn't about anything other than people playing outrageous stereotypes.

In short: it's crap.

Now that actually might be harsh. After all, I'll admit this would be a fun movie to work on -- some hot girls, lots of blood and is stupid enough that you wouldn't have to worry about anything other than hitting on/eye humping the girls. Some people think these low budget movies are made by socially retarded nerds as a way to meet hot girls and try to get laid. I think this movie proves those people right.* In other words: a pretty fun gig. But if you are actually looking at the script it would be a piece of *%*&#

* I don't actually know that making this movie got anyone laid. But it really is the only explanation.

The director: so if the story is so bad, why do I say the director have talent? Well, it's tough to say. It often is hard to seperate the director from the material. But it's a matter of getting good shots (instead of going to shots you want that you can't pull off), of getting shots that will edit together right and of giving a certain consistant feel to the work. Knowing when to play with the camera angle, when to keep it simple to keep attention on what's happening in the frame. What hampers him the most is the material is just so ridiculous that there isn't much for him to do story and character-wise except embrace it and let the actors go for it. If there were any semblance of a story -- if any of the characters were dealing with anything other than whether or not they should experiment with lesbianism, if any of the characters weren't written as an over the top stereotype -- then you could see how he can handle actual story and charaters. But aside from that it's a question of the shots and how they look (which is also the cinematography) and do the shots build...and in this case they do. From the first aerial shot that gives this very enclosed movie a nice big, open feel, to the character introductions with have a light, comedic feel -- the beginning plays better than the material should...a sign of a good director. Unfortunately even a good director can't overcome bad material and by the 30 minute mark when there hasn't been anything more than the typical B-crapfest that the movie becomes doomed.

Too bad.

*** AVOID ***